Random thoughts... i need better music.

I gotta get back in shape. I'm jogging at the speed of what most people call walking. It's humid and as much as i want to be in shape, the fatness in me is constantly trying to talk me out of it. Down the easy grade and through the woods i go. Music in my ears sounds like one song. Trance. Step by step, i look out into the distance. The tops of small hills hide small valleys of green grass. The lake on my left isn't a lake, but what seems like just a place to put reclaimed water. Mmm... the smell of reclaimed water in humid weather. The sky is gray, but it isn't dark. Heading into a thicker cluster of trees where there is so much green, it seems darker. Darker than the gray. It's not night, yet. I keep going. Left or right? Left or right at the fork? I go left. Steeper incline. Push. I've done steeper, longer runs before...

Yeah, that was before. Ten years before. When i was trying to get a job. A job that required fitness. Well, guess what buddy? Now i've got a life. A life that requires fitness... if i want kids and want to be around long enough to enjoy them. I need more music. Harder, thumpin' bass beats to propel my feet farther, no matter how hot it is outside, how far it is inside... because no matter what, it's all inside. It's all inside, what makes it go. If you want it, get it! Get it yourself. You wanted those beers, you wanted them fries, you wanted what you knew you didn't need to eat... now run with it! You used to do hills with a 50lb. vest on. Didn't that feel good when it was time to unstrap that bitch off? How nice it would be to unstrap this fucking beer gut off? Rabbits. They said there'd be rabbits out here. I see birds. Yellow and gray and brown birds and squirrels galore. Were Chip & Dale squirrels or chipmunks? I see the post at the end of this round. Finally getting closer. What is this? A mile? Couldn't be... maybe half mile.

Tag the post and walk. Breathe. Keep moving. Walk into the woods, where it looks dark, but isn't. Feeling better, not tired. So run again. Ah yes, a good song. #6 is a good one. Bigger strides on the straight away, cars coming. I can barely make out the drivers' faces. Can they make out the belly protruding from my shirt? Yes, i believe so. Fattie. Take a good look, it'll be gone soon. In about a year or so. It might be night soon. I'll ask this guy the time when i pass him. Hear that? I'm gonna pass him. Eventually. He's walking. On the horizon. Gloomy, grey clouds with droplets of water hitting my face. Or is that my own exhale? No longer breathing from just my nose, mouth shut, but inhale two breaths from nose and exhale two breaths from mouth. Am i spitting on myself? No, there are drops on the ground now. I can see clearer into the office buildings, so it must be dusk. Where's that dude? Right this time. Right at the fork, which actually just goes around and back to the same split in the path... making it a spoon. Hello bunny rabbit. I see you. Not quite the floppy ears, like in the pet store, but short stubby ears that stick up. Those aren't gonna be any good, come friday, ya know... Hope you got your government voucher for some digital converter box-thingy. You sit there and think about that, bunny. I'll be back around. Here comes the post at the end.

Walking back, arms up, long deep breaths... this walk through the woods seems a whole lot shorter now. One more, one more time. So where is that dude with the watch? Fucker took a shortcut. Bye shortcut. Remember, you're only cheatin' yourself when you take shortcuts. Form. It's about form, with or without witnesses. Dedication, motivation... and all that bullshit they used to feed us in the academy. Not really bullshit, but more like cheerleading in a masculine way. Get it in your head. You really gotta want it. Finish it. Finish hard. Handle it. Blah blah blah. So not me. All they had to do was put a fucking cold beer at the end of the course. Geez. Why be so complicated? Thunderstorms forecasted in the area. Me running out here all by myself. I suppose lightning has much taller targets all around me(trees, office bldg)... this part i listen to as i round the spoon. No shortcut back to the post. Finish it. Finish it faster. Walk. Breathe. I'll guesstimate 1.5 mile. Not much, but having done it. I feel much better about myself. Damn belly. Still hanging around.